My Self-Trust Revolution.
Sep 24, 2024
Let it be and let it unfold.
Those are the most accurate terms to describe what life has trained me to master.
This is not a typical life focus. Most people are accustomed to focusing on what is stable and "tried and true."
However, my path was different from the beginning.
I experienced my first profound letting go when my parents divorced when I was 6. I did not take that one well. In fact, I made up stories to explain my father's absence. I told classmates that my dad had been, "arrested for throwing pins in the water" at the local duck pond and I lied to my first grade teacher by telling her that my mother had remarried (which made for a very awkward first parent-teacher conference.) The upside of this unusual behavior was that I was sent to sit with the school Psychologist (dear Mrs. Memling) during lunch hours for quite a few months. It was under her tutelage that I began to explore my inner world.
This interest in inner life led me to major in Psychology in college. I did very well - graduating Phi Beta Kappa and Magna cum Laude with acceptance to move straight into a Clinical Psychology graduate program. However, the most unusual thing happened in the spring semester of my senior year. With graduate applications out and the first school acceptance in, I fell into a profound "dark night of the soul" and emerged with the certainty that a graduate degree was not my path. I had no back up plan and I had no logical explanation to soothe my family. All I had was a deep knowing that I was to let that plan be and allow for something more true to unfold.
The "dark night" experience has repeated many times over in my life - as I have been guided to let go of attachment after attachment. It is almost as though I was following a perfectly orchestrated curriculum to learn how to navigate "transformational dilemmas". That term describes the discomfort we feel moving through a transition when it seems as though what we are about to lose may be greater than what we are set to gain. We feel squeezed from every angle - terrified of moving forward but having no option of staying put. After navigating such dilemmas over and over (and over) in my life, I now have a very different relationship with the notion of let it be and let it unfold. My comfort level with instability and uncertainty makes me a valuable ally to anyone seeking to navigate such potent times.
In some cases I did not take action to respond when the message to "let go" began to present itself. In some cases I went kicking and screaming. I was quite unwilling to follow the initial soft whispers and gentle taps to leave my first marriage. I sunk deeper and deeper, determined to control the timing of that collapse. And, for this hubris, I was rewarded with a blockbuster-level cosmic 2X4 wherein I found myself unemployed, in debt, and raising two preschoolers alone after my then-husband got fired for having an affair with his secretary.
After realizing that I had created my own perfect nightmare, I found myself at a precipice. As much as this situation was one that I had dreaded, once it came to pass I was no longer in fear. The worst was over. There was nothing more to try to hold on to. What I did have was a choice. I could spiral down into powerlessness and victim-hood - or I could allow myself to be broken open. Every previous "dark night" had led up to this moment. There was only one option. To let it be and let it unfold.
The shift was quite profound and people took notice. My mother became concerned that I was "overly confident" for a person in such a precarious position so she sent me to have a session with her therapist. After I explained my conviction that all would be well despite what things looked like on the surface, the therapist asked me pointedly, "Do you have a Swiss bank account that you have not mentioned because your optimism seems rather far-fetched." Despite the fact that I was the only one who saw a rosy vision of my future, I moved step-by-step through the aftermath of that cataclysm and emerged with a completely new life and an unshakable inner strength.
As people began to recognize the power of my transformation, a few began to ask that I mentor them. I began taking on one-one-one coaching clients and then responded to an invitation to teach classes on "Conscious Creation" for an online training organization. On Labor Day 2000 I received yet another message to "let it be" regarding the classes that I was teaching. At that point the income I had been receiving from teaching the courses was significant enough that without I would not be able to pay my mortgage. Yet, in complete faith, I let it be and waited for what would unfold. Within the month, 6 coaching clients were referred from a completely unexpected source and the inspiration for the "Prosperity Partnership Program" landed as a singular download. The PPP debuted in the Fall of 2000 and I supported my family well for over a decade leading this series of teleclasses for over a decade. Between 2002 and 2014 over 40,000 people registered to play the online "Choosing Prosperity Game" and hundreds joined other programs that I lead including:
- Soul Aligned Business
- Evolutionary Wealth - Jumping Tracks
- Consciousness Catalysts
- True Essence Incubator
- True Self Alchemy
Note: Scroll lower on this page to read feedback from those students.
There were other insistent "let it be" and "let if unfold" messages in the years that followed. The most significant was to let go of a relationship in March of 2007 and to prepare for everything to change. In April of 2007 a former colleague (who I had not spoken with for 12 years) contacted me to say that his marriage has come to a close and he wanted to get in touch with old friends. That phone call led to a lunch which led to a cross state courtship. I moved my family to Princeton, NJ and Greg and I were wed in December of 2008.
Most recently, in 2014 I received yet another message to "let it be". I put ChoosingProsperity.com into "suspended animation" and immersed myself in the leading edges of both neuroscience, traumatology and mysticism. And then I waited (not always so patiently) to receive a message that it was time for the emergence of the next stage of my work.
Time to "let it unfold"
As I write this now, in the middle of January 2024, with the world reeling from the volatility, uncertainty, complexity and ambiguity of concurrent crisis, I have finally received the notification that it is time for us to begin.
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